Humorous Quotes

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in. Courtney Cox Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. Rod Stewart My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.Socrates We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.Rodney Dangerfield If you never want to see a man again say, 'I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children'. They leave skid marks!Rita Rudner Before I got married I had six theories on children; now I have six children and no theories. John Wilmot I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. George Burns  I wouldn't object to my wife having the last word - if only she'd get to it. Henny Youngman My parents stayed together for forty years, but that was out of spite. Woody Allen  Why does a woman work for years to change a man's habits, and then complain that he's not the man she married? Barbra Streisand  I told someone I was getting married, and they said, "Have you picked a date yet? I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding!?" "What a country! " Yakov Smirnoff  Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is. Milton Berle  I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me! Henny Youngman I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.Rodney Dangerfield